I am tired of being so fat, I need to freakin' excerise. Maybe if I wasn't so ugly and fat, I would have a date to prom, or have a boyfriend or have some fun. I hate the way I look and I am always to tired to anything about it cause I am fat and I get tired a-lot. It sucks to be fat and sick, which now it seems like thats all I ever am anymore fat and sick. I am tired of itt.

     Well since the time I wrote in this blog, I have dated Jeremy, I have lost my virginity with Jeremy, I got called out by April, I am dateless for prom, I went to homecoming, and so much more.

     Your probably like whoa, tell me about the Jeremy thing, what all did I do. Well...ha. I had sex with him I do regret it cause indeed I do love him. I just wish he felt the same, and I would have realized he didn't before we had sex. Every one was like Tina he just wants to get in your pants. I said nooo, he does not he loves me he told me so. Ha. What a crock that was if he did love me he wouldn't be treating me like he is now. I wanted to be with him forever. I loved him so much, why you ask. Because I was myself with him and he loved me just the same. He wrote me notes saying I was beauitful he looked in my eyes and told me he loved me. He made me feel so safe, I could not stop smiling the day he met my mom. I was so happy. I never smiled so much in one day. He touch was gentle and his kisses were passionate. Me and him just seem to make sense together. I would have did anything for him. 

      He can not possbliy know this right? Or he would still be with me right? Or he just does not love me as much as he does April which is understandable, they had a 4 year relationship. I just am really hurt I feel like all  the air has left my body and that I will never get back on track again. Write more I gtg.

I need to stop wasting my time thinking of you
I need to stop wasting my time on something that apparently
will never happen.
I just need to stop wasting time.
Its your typical setting.
theres this girl who is like in love with her best friend this guy.
girl one talks to this guy almost everyday and would do anything for that guy if he asked her to. she is there always listening to what he says
she doesn't want to make it obvious that she is
hanging on every word so she pretends shes not paying attention
this guy likes to talk about girl number 2 whom he is in love with  and girl one goes along with conversation and tries to make
feel and wabetter about it
because girl number 2 has a boyfriend and
girl one is like oh isn't that sad..
and deep inside she's like hurting
and wanting to scream:
I LOVE YOU!! YOU BIG LUG!! I AM WILLING TO DATE YOU!!
WHY AREN"T YOU WANTING TO DATE ME TOO. =)
but she stays in silence about it
and a few times girl one says hey I love you a lot
and this guy does not acknowledge her what so ever
girl one gets sad but moves on
until  this guy gets sad cause the one he loves
doesn't love him
girl one wants to shake this guy she loves
AND SAY HELLO!! YOUR KIDDING!!
BEEN THERE STILL THERE!!
with you
girl gives guy reassurance that she will
always be there for him to talk to about anything
or if he ever needs anything
and girl one thinks back to when he had a girlfriend
and that girlfriend cheated on him
and they broke up
and girl one was the one on the phone with him
trying to make him smile
and saying "her lose shes a whore"
and thinking she would have never did that to him
and how he could have dated her
and how girl one wants to punch that girls face in
Um girl one just doesn't know what to do
she loves this guy and always will
but she can't handle it when he gets  hurt
and shes the one that has to help him
when she is the one that wants to be with him
and loves him and wants to be his girlfriend and best friend
but she knows it will never happen so
she will just keep doing what she has done