April 14, 2008, 11:38 PM

Today I did not go to school. I started my period which is weird for me cause I already had one earlier this month. I feel like a total disaster. I should have at least attempted to get up and ready this morning. I can’t recall how many days I have missed. I hope I’m not freakishly close to missing ten already.

I have not been on myspace in forever it seems. Which stinks cause I lost touch with some people. I hope everyone has been doing amazing. I wish I could say I have been doing amazing. I have not =( . I have been dealing with a lot lately. As some know my brother has moved out with my step-dad. I am not crazy about that cause, it confuses me how he could do such a thing. I miss having him around a little bit. My mom is stressing me to the maxx. But I understand she’s going through a lot too. Its just so hard to talk to her cause she never wants to listen. I try not to pick fights with her cause I love my mommy =) lol. She is having surgery, she’s having her gaul bladder (misspelled I think lol) removed. I keep trying to stop her addiction to gum. But man does she love her gum lol =).

Ah. As for how my love life has been going. Whoa, is that a complete and utter mess. I never fell for someone like this before. I thought I have but I was wrong. This one had my head spinning and my hearting racing. I could see me being with him for a longtime. Every moment he was with me I cherished. The moments I had with him keep running through my had. Like a never ending slow slide show. I found love when I was with him and lost it when he left. I will always love this guy more then any other guy I will ever be with. But like they say you shouldn’t waste your time on someone if there not willing to waste theirs on you. I have no doubt that I will move on. I wish it wouldn’t take so long. =/

You know, I never thought I would have someone hate me. Its something you wish upon yourself. But even if a person is perfect someone would hate them for it. No matter what you do in life you’ll have someone hate you. You sit and wallow in your own self pity. Ask yourself what I have you done for them to hate you. Or you know damn well why they hate you and you don’t care. You can say you do not care but somewhere in yourself you’ll find you do. Your not a freak for feeling bad or caring that someone hates you. Its in your nature. If someone hates you. You just have to let them hate. Cause there is a good chance there is nothing you can say or do to stop them from hating you. If your thinking if I was them I would hate me too. Well at least you know you were wrong for whatever you did. If you tell them the truth and say hey I am sorry and mean it with every once of your heart. You did all you can do. Forgiveness is the hardest I think in the world. It is so to look in the eyes of someone that hurt you so bad you felt like you sank into 1,000ft in the ground and say I forgive you for knocking 1,000ft in the ground. Sure it hurt but hey I am still alive no hard feelings. I hurt some people were I am sure they felt like that. Few of them forgave me some still hate me. But I know what I did was wrong. I would anything to take a lot of it back. But its just not going to happen. When you hurt someone you care about you ending hurting yourself to. It makes a huge mess. Some do it unintentionally or intentionally. I did mine unintentionally. I never would want to hurt some one. I have been hurt and I hated it so why would I ever want to do that. I wouldn’t.

Ugh…sorry I ramble on like that sometimes. I get all emotional and mushy. But I mean what I say.

Another day has passed away. I have just sat in front of the T.V. with my mom all day. Pretty much, she’s been nodding off a lot. I feel bad no one has really come to see since her surgery. People called but, its not the same. =/ Well she’s got me =)

I wish it was nice whether outside. I want to ride my bike, and hang out at the parks with my friends. This winter has seem to have been here forever. =( HaHa.

Oh, Guess what my best friend Stephen got accepted into Diana School of music. How kick-ass is that. He only played three audition pieces and he was going to play the fourth but they said he didn’t have too. He was accepted. They could only take one tuba player and they took him. How freaking amazing is that. That is pretty darn amazing. =)

I go to school tomorrow, I haven’t been in school since Monday. Tuesday we had a school day. Thursday, Wes-day, I was sick. Friday I still sick but had to accompany my to her surgery. Which went well. Hahahahaha =) I am so very happy it went well. It was so boring at the hospital with my Aunt and Grandma. I knocked over lamp and wheeled my grandma into peoples feet cause she was in a wheel chair. I became pro-ness at the wheel chair thing. I stole it from my grandma and played with it. I was indeed bored. =)

I am still in constant thought of Jeremy. I love that guy so very much. Everything reminds me of him. Roar-ness. =( I am so upset about that whole fling thing we had. I wanted so much out that relationship. I wanted to be with him for a long time. I saw us being together for a long time. I guess I saw wrong. Ugh later. =)